I remember where I did it…
On the front porch of her house.
I'd asked if we could talk before I left for a show that evening.
My guitar case was already in my hand.
Across the street...
the van was already waiting.
Funny...
I don't remember where we were playing that night.
I don't remember who else was riding in the van.
But I remember that porch.
I remember the front steps.
The screen door behind her.
The guitar case in my hand.
And I remember Maybe standing there.
She smiled when she saw me.
She had absolutely no idea...
what was about to happen.
"What did you want to talk about?"
I took a deep breath.
"We need to break up."
She just looked at me.
The smile slowly disappeared from her face.
After what felt like forever...
she finally whispered...
"Why, Billy?"
I opened my mouth.
Nothing came out.
Because I didn't have an answer.
At least not one I understood.
Looking back...
I know now she hadn't done anything wrong.
Everything we had was perfect.
The only thing that had changed...
was me.
There were a hundred things I should have said.
I could have told her I was scared by how much I loved her.
I could have told her how confused I was.
I could have told her all the attention had gone to my head.
I could have told her I'd started believing there might be something bigger waiting for me.
But I didn't tell her any of those things.
The truth was...
I was too young to understand the heart I was holding in my hands.
Her heart.
It would take me more than fifty years...
and a song...
to finally face the fears I'd left behind on that porch so long ago.
Funny how memory works.
We think we remember the words.
We don't.
We remember the feeling.
And sometimes...
those feelings...
find their way into a song.
She deserved more than goodbye.
She deserved an explanation.
She deserved the truth.
But to give her that...
I would have had to understand it myself.
